Sara

Sara’s story

At 14-years-old, Sara's mother referred her to Kids Inspire. Despite their close family bond, Sara’s mother had felt fear and confusion about how best to support her daughter with her self-harming behaviour.

At school and to her parents, Sara seemed like a smart, friendly, and cheerful child. However, during the assessment, she shared that this was not how she truly felt, tearfully, she revealed that she had been self-harming for a while. She explained that it was a way to cope with overwhelming emotions and even admitted to having thoughts of not wanting to deal with those feelings anymore. This revelation deeply shocked and upset her mother.

Work with Kids Inspire often involves the child’s family. In Sara’s case, it was important to explore the hidden messages in the family dynamics. It quickly became evident that Sara's parents had inadvertently placed pressure on her to be a perfect child. Sara's mother also had low self-esteem and recognised that she was not setting a positive example for her daughter regarding self-acceptance.

Family therapy with mum

We worked together to change Mum’s perspective and encouraged her to openly communicate with Sara about her feelings. We emphasised that self-harm did not have to remain a shameful secret, but rather an external expression of internal struggles. Sara needed permission to discuss it without fear of judgment or disappointment. We practiced how she could help Sara express her feelings before they became overwhelming and led to self-harm.

Sara's mother realised that Sara might struggle to express herself verbally during her darkest moments. Since they both enjoyed walking the family dog, they decided that suggesting a walk together when Sara felt the urge to self-harm or had dark thoughts could be their way of communicating. Sara responded positively to this idea. "Going for a walk" became their code for "I'm not coping," allowing Sara to seek solace without having to find the right words. During these walks, Sara's mother provided a non-intrusive and comforting presence, helping Sara to regulate her emotions.

What changed or improved through the course of therapy

Sara stopped hurting herself, and her mother learned to support Sara's emotions. This made Sara feel confident that her mother could handle her overwhelming feelings, so she no longer felt the need to harm herself or hide from everything.

Sara's mother gained the confidence to support and assist Sara. She stopped being critical of herself and started taking better care of her own emotions. She hoped that by setting this example, Sara would also learn to take care of her emotional wellbeing.

Please note: Our case studies are anonymised to protect the identity of specific individuals. All case studies are based on real stories.