Tommy & Jamal
Tommy has been working as a mentor with 14-year-old Jamal for a while, improving his social skills and anxiety. Over the last few months, Tommy has seen remarkable improvements in Jamal's behaviour and confidence compared to their first meeting. We explore their journey below and how our mentor successfully overcame the initial resistance towards support and help.
Background
Tommy initially wanted to become a mentor hoping to provide young people with additional help and support in their daily lives and activities. However, he knew he would be best suited for a teenager or pre-teenager over the age of 12 as he had prior experience in communicating effectively with this age group. After undertaking our thorough training sessions, he was matched to mentee Jamal, a young male from the local area needing some intervention and guidance.
Before using our mentoring services, Jamal had some ongoing mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and confidence. He was also sadly refusing to attend school and had a fear of socialising within public spaces. Our clinical team felt a mentor relationship could be beneficial for Jamal to improve his daily life and health. Their first meeting was challenging to say the least, as Jamal was very anxious and unengaged with the support Tommy was offering, refusing to leave the car to enter their coffee shop meeting location.
Building a relationship over time
Tommy needed to find a breakthrough and common ground to start engaging with Jamal outside of one-word answers. By joining his level and bending down to the car window, he could communicate better with Jamal. He found a shared interest with Jamal when he started speaking about his love of animals and pets, and Jamal suddenly changed his tone of communication. By finding a shared passion or interest, our mentors can build layers of trust and compassion with their mentees to improve the relationship slowly and steadily.
As their sessions developed, the weekly activities between Tommy and Jamal ranged from dog walking to playing instruments and even eating at a local restaurant for some yummy dinner. Jamal initially feared socialising in public, but with the help of Tommy creating a safe space, he was beginning to feel more confident about interacting with others in public places.
The key to Tommy's successful relationship with Jamal was ensuring his mentee had all the power around the sessions, with everything being on Jamal's terms, considering his current mood and disposition. As a result, the sessions didn't have to last the whole 60 minutes allocated, and Jamal knew he could return home at any point if he felt overwhelmed or anxious.
Looking to the future
Tommy has now seen Jamal grow into a more confident young person, full of ambition and passion for continuing his studies and exploring working with animals after he leaves school. Since the start of this school term, Jamal's mum has reported him attending school all day, every day, which is just brilliant to hear.
When Tommy first met Jamal, he was withdrawn, anxious and disengaged with help and support from others. However, with the careful guidance and support from our experienced mentor Tommy, he now appears confident, interactive and a pleasure to be around. He also loves to share the occasional joke and acts of silliness.
Since his mentoring sessions, Jamal is now attending school and preparing for his GCSEs next year, having regular fun days out at theme parks and local attractions, building a solid circle of friends, and even socialising confidently in public. The progress and steps he has taken since that first day are so rewarding, showing how well our mentoring scheme can work.
Fulfilling moments and memories
Tommy looks back fondly on his relationship with Jamal, and seeing the results of their mentoring relationship brings him a tremendous sense of pride and fulfilment. He likes the idea of building a solid connection that works towards a positive ending, leaving the mentee with new skills to tackle and explore the world in confidence. The training and support Tommy received before undertaking mentoring have been invaluable and have benefitted Tommy in other aspects of life outside mentoring.
Jamal’s mum has seen a drastic improvement in her son’s behaviour and mental health since he started meeting Tommy via the mentoring scheme at Kids Inspire. She kindly shared the below with Tommy on how he has positively impacted Jamal since their first meeting.
“Jamal has had an amazing start to the school term by attending school daily without any issues or symptoms of anxiety. This progress in his behaviour and outlook on school, social anxiety and his self-confidence is all down to the support you have been giving to him. Thank you for everything.”
We are recruiting for Volunteer Mentors, if you would like to learn more about the role, please visit our mentoring page on the website.