In the past 12-months we have experienced an upward trend in children and families being referred into our services because of self-harming behaviours.

Self-harm is a person’s way of trying to get back a sense of control of their body and its responses to stress. For a child we could describe self-harming behaviour as ‘a way to control big feelings after suffering a traumatic experience’, in this case the pandemic.

The speed and rate of referrals among young children in the UK is overwhelming services, with some cases of eating disorders being triggered from the isolation of lockdown – Published in the Guardian, August 2021 here.

Thanks to Emma Ritchie, Adult Therapist and Case Manager, and a key member of our specialist team, we have gained insight into this complex mental health need that she has supported families to manage and face for many years.

Self-harm can scare many parent/ carers. They do not always know how to manage the extreme emotions – the anger and the fear – that their child is facing or understand what it is that is driving them to do it. Questions around ‘how to cope’ or ‘how to manage’ is all on top of the embarrassment, the shame and the stigma that is quite often attached: “Those children have been abused” is the assumption that some may make.

It is thought that the urge to self-harm often occurs after a child experiences a confrontation or argument with their parent/ carers. It is in fact a coping mechanism, others feeling overwhelmed may turn to alcohol, over exercise or perhaps even hide an eating disorder – all ways to abuse oneself with intent.

The child is always at the centre of our work at Kids Inspire, yet sometimes, it is the psychoeducation offered to family members that can be the turning point for a child or young person receiving therapy or support.

Emma specialises in working with families who are managing a child that self-harms and two years ago attended a Ministry of Parenting Course, which recently led her to share theories and practices within the team. She gave us some insight into her experience of working with families and individuals to manage self-harm, explaining:

“Secrecy is such a big thing with self-harm, the act itself involves deception of those closest, and also avoidance – the art of avoiding the trigger or sharing feelings and explaining ‘why’.”

“Early on in my career, I asked a young person what it was like to self-harm, they replied ‘in that moment my busy, busy brain just goes a bit quiet. I can concentrate on the physical pain rather than the emotional.’ From then on, I knew that I had to make a difference with those that self-harm, and to help families to understand it and how to offer the right support.”

An Adult Therapist supports family members of a self-harming child by offering coping and listening strategies and encourages them to acknowledge and share with their child their own feelings towards their harmful behaviour. One way we do this at Kids Inspire is by running a family central project, CREW – Communication, Relationships, Emotional Wellbeing - a unique group intervention that has reported an increased sense of emotional wellbeing and positive relationships at home.

If you have read this blog and have been inspired to offer support in a unique and lasting way, GEMs are a committed group of Monthly Givers helping children and young people to recover from traumatic experiences as they discover the treasure within. We have 20 GEMs currently, and from just £2 every month, we would welcome more. Read more

Be a GEM

Help children and young people discover the treasure within.

Our Work

Find out more about what we do.

Volunteer

Our award-winning volunteers help us to achieve so much.