A therapists account of Non Violent Resistance (NVR) therapy:

Katie, aged 8, was referred by her mum Becky following concerns about her conduct and concentration levels. Becky, described Katie’s behaviour as ‘out of control’ whereas school staff claimed ‘no cause for concern’ and emphasised the need to build Katie’s confidence.

Becky reported a long history of feeling undermined by school staff and dismissed by Katie’s GP, who Becky felt put problems down to her ‘parenting’. It felt important to understand the frequent symmetrical escalations that occur between them and to introduce a more relational way of being for them both.

Our therapist completed 12 sessions of online therapy, making use of many systemic concepts. Elements of Non Violent Resistance (NVR) were useful in offering Becky ways to de-escalate and maintain a parental presence overcoming her own reactivity.

NVR In Action

Becky gave rich problem saturated accounts which were fruitful for identifying priorities. The notion of ‘baskets’ was adapted for working online, by using different coloured post it notes and thick felt pens which could be seen on screen. Through this exercise, Becky generated many ideas for the small basket but found it difficult to identify things she would ‘let go/ignore’. This highlighted tactical ignoring as an omission in general, and Becky reflected on ways this had sometimes got in the way of friendships, as well as her relationship with her daughter.

Creating Positive Cycles

Later on within the sessions, our therapist explored contextual factors that informed her belief that a ‘good’ parent (and friend) delivers frequent corrective interventions. Becky also made links with her own experiences of being parented and suggested that (despite multiple stressors) her dad raised her to know what was ‘right’.

This allowed the therapist to playfully bring in Grandad’s voice when considering priorities. For example, we asked ‘What would he tolerate/ignore…..not even notice?’ Becky’s (internalised) dad became an anchor for her, in addition to friends who supported an announcement around ‘not running off’.

Conclusion
Repair was a theme that had been left unaddressed previously and this tended to provide a context of hurt. Encouraging re-connection when it felt genuine re-instated a positive cycle. The therapy provided Becky with tools and a support network to understand her child’s behaviour and outputs in a new light.

Therapist Credit: AD