Non Violent Resistance (NVR) is a relational model for addressing serious behavioural problems in children. NVR is the practice of achieving goals such as social change through symbolic protests, civil disobedience, economic or political non-cooperation, satyagraha, or other methods, while being non-violent.

Due to its name, NVR is often misunderstood by families and wider networks for only being used on ‘violent’ children, but this is not the case. Below, we explore further into a case study where NVR proved extremely beneficial to one of our children and their families.

How Can NVR Help Parents or Carers?

NVR can help parents and carers overcome their sense of helplessness. It can help develop a support network that will stop violent and destructive behaviours both in and out of the home. It can improve relationships between family members and the outside world.

But My Child Isn’t Violent

Non Violent Resistance does not imply that a child is simply violent. The term NVR is relational model for addressing serious behavioural problems in children through methods that are non-violent.

Case Background (Names Have Been Changed For Anonymity)

Katie, aged 8, was referred by her mum Becky following concerns about her conduct and concentration levels. Becky, described Katie’s behaviour as ‘out of control’ whereas school staff claimed ‘no cause for concern’ and emphasised the need to build Katie’s confidence.

Becky reported a long history of feeling undermined by school staff and dismissed by Katie’s GP, who Becky felt put problems down to her ‘parenting’.  It felt important to manage a both/and position,  acknowledging differences in the child (who has since received a diagnosis of ADHD) whilst also introducing a more relational way of understanding frequent symmetrical escalations that occur between them.

Our therapist completed 12 sessions of online therapy, making use of many systemic concepts. Elements of Non Violent Resistance (NVR) were useful in offering Becky ways to de-escalate and maintain a parental presence overcoming her own reactivity.

NVR In Action

Becky gave rich problem saturated accounts which were fruitful for identifying priorities. The notion of ‘baskets’ was adapted for working online, by using different coloured post it notes and thick felt pens which could be seen on screen (see image below). Through this exercise, Becky generated many ideas for the small basket but found it difficult to identify things she would ‘let go/ignore’. This highlighted tactical ignoring as an omission in general, and Becky reflected on ways this had sometimes got in the way of friendships, as well as her relationship with her daughter.

Creating Positive Cycles

Later on within the sessions, our therapist explored contextual factors that informed her belief that a ‘good’ parent (and friend) delivers frequent corrective interventions. Becky also made links with her own experiences of being parented and suggested that (despite multiple stressors) her dad raised her to know what was ‘right’.

This allowed the therapist to playfully bring in Grandad’s voice when considering priorities. For example, we asked ‘What would he tolerate/ignore…..not even notice?’ Becky’s (internalised) dad became an anchor for her, in addition to friends who supported an announcement around ‘not running off’.

Conclusion

Repair was a theme that had been left unaddressed previously and this tended to provide a context of hurt.  Encouraging re-connection when it felt genuine re-instated a positive cycle. The therapy provided Becky with tools and a support network to understand her child’s behaviour and outputs in a new light.

Therapist Credit: AD

Further Reading:

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